The past four days have been the best yet. I have finally gotten over this cold, my irritability has minimized, and the withdrawal symptoms have subsided. I'm finding balance once again. I have noticed some changes especially with my energy level. I no longer wake up feeling exhausted. I don't miss pulling myself out of what I consider quicksand just to get through my morning and sometimes my entire day. Since I no longer have to worry about struggling to wake up in the morning, I can wake up early and exercise plus I even have time to make myself look presentable. Instead of taking a shower the night before, I have time to take a shower in the morning and blow dry my hair.
However, I do have to fight the nausea every morning which is one of the side effects of the new medication. I know it's the new medication because less than ten minutes after I take it and for the next hour or so after, I have to fight to keep down the food I have to take with it.
So far I have had no Bipolar symptoms. This is truly a blessing.
I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday which I think will go very well. I'm looking forward to sharing with her all the positive changes.
Monday, February 20, 2017
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Switching medication continued
February 8th - 16th
The first part of this week, I battled cold symptoms while going to work, and dealing with side effects from the new medication and withdrawals from the old medication.
Ironically some of the withdrawals from Seroquel include nausea, headache, anxiety, excessive crying, nervousness, insomnia, and depression. So far I've had all of them except for excessive crying. I've come close to crying a few times but stopped myself. This is a good sign because I'm not a crier. You know something is seriously wrong when I start crying.
The second half of this week, my insomnia went away which is good because sleep is so very important with a mental illness. However, I have had to deal with the rest of them which has been magnified with the upheaval in my life right now.
That upheaval is this:
Next year, I have been told I have to teach a whole new grade level. This is hard for me because I hate change. I have taught 2nd grade my entire teaching career and I'm terrified. Also, I finally feel like I'm a really strong teacher in 2nd grade and now it's being taken away from me.
Too many things are happening all at once and it's been extremely difficult for me, Here is what it is for me all laid out:
I am working every day (Sunday - Sunday) now to try to pay off repairs for my cars, pay my medical bills, and take care of my household. I am trying to get pregnant. I am monitoring all potential symptoms so that I don't relapse. I am in constant contact with my doctor. I am trying to do the best job I can at teaching while trying to handle work stress that comes from other people plus students that I'm trying to help. I'm dealing with family issues and trying to continue to be a good mom. I'm trying to stay on top of housework. This is all from a person who is considered disabled.
Through it all, I am attempting to stay positive. If it weren't for some very supportive people in my life, I would crash and burn.
The first part of this week, I battled cold symptoms while going to work, and dealing with side effects from the new medication and withdrawals from the old medication.
Ironically some of the withdrawals from Seroquel include nausea, headache, anxiety, excessive crying, nervousness, insomnia, and depression. So far I've had all of them except for excessive crying. I've come close to crying a few times but stopped myself. This is a good sign because I'm not a crier. You know something is seriously wrong when I start crying.
The second half of this week, my insomnia went away which is good because sleep is so very important with a mental illness. However, I have had to deal with the rest of them which has been magnified with the upheaval in my life right now.
That upheaval is this:
Next year, I have been told I have to teach a whole new grade level. This is hard for me because I hate change. I have taught 2nd grade my entire teaching career and I'm terrified. Also, I finally feel like I'm a really strong teacher in 2nd grade and now it's being taken away from me.
Too many things are happening all at once and it's been extremely difficult for me, Here is what it is for me all laid out:
I am working every day (Sunday - Sunday) now to try to pay off repairs for my cars, pay my medical bills, and take care of my household. I am trying to get pregnant. I am monitoring all potential symptoms so that I don't relapse. I am in constant contact with my doctor. I am trying to do the best job I can at teaching while trying to handle work stress that comes from other people plus students that I'm trying to help. I'm dealing with family issues and trying to continue to be a good mom. I'm trying to stay on top of housework. This is all from a person who is considered disabled.
Through it all, I am attempting to stay positive. If it weren't for some very supportive people in my life, I would crash and burn.
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
The Joys and Fears of Switching Medications
January 17th, 2017
It’s here; it’s finally here. The day I muster up the
courage to request a medication change. It has taken a year of building up to.
A year of research. A year of frustrations and mounting fear but I’m finally
here in the dr.’s office asking to change my medication.
After close to four years of being on the same medication
for Bipolar, I have finally decided the side effects far outweigh the benefits.
When I first went on this medication, I knew that it caused weight gain and
metabolic changes. I really thought I could handle those. As someone’s whose home
away from home is the gym, I really thought I wouldn’t gain any weight. Almost
four years later, I’m up 50lbs and counting. Over the past few years, I’ve
deprived myself in order to prevent weight gain; even maintaining would make me
happy but no one prepared me for the reality of it. My case manager and doctor
told me that I’m actually on the low end of weight gain for people taking this
medication as some people gain at least 100lbs within the first two years. But
the weight gain wasn’t a deal breaker for me. I could handle it; for the most
part. One of the deal breakers for me was going into the hospital with heart
arrhythmia. One of the side effects of the medication I am on is sudden death
from arrhythmia. Since heart problems already run in my family (my sister died
of an aortic rupture), I was terrified that something like that would happen to
me as well. Another deal breaker was potential infertility. The medication I
was on had the ability to cause infertility even though it wasn’t very common.
As my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a year and a half now, I
thought that maybe switching meds may help us conceive.
So here I am. My doctor agrees that a change in medication
would be the best course of action. She puts me on a medication that has less
chance of the side effects I’m fearful of and the bonus is that it’s even safer
for pregnancy than the previous medication I was taking.
January 24th - January 31st
This past week, the change in medication included titrating
the meds so I have less chance of relapse. Unfortunately, this is also the week
I have to take all those lovely hormones to stimulate ovulation to assure
pregnancy hopefully in the coming months. I have felt my balance all out of
whack this week between fighting nausea and exhaustion from the new med plus
the nausea and irritability I’m sure is from the hormones. The good news is
that I haven’t had any Bipolar symptoms. This is a blessing.
The steps that I have had to take to prepare for a change in
medication is pretty extensive. Talking to my husband about potential symptoms.
Telling him what to look for and when to commit me (not that this will happen but it is a precaution those with mental illness have to take). Talking to trusted friends
about possible changes in behavior. Being super aware of every change in
emotion and evaluating those emotions as reasonable or not reasonable. It’s not
easy to change medication and it’s extremely scary especially if you have been
on a medication that has changed your personality completely. It’s scary losing
yourself and when you finally find yourself again, having to face the potential
of losing yourself once more. You wouldn’t understand if you’ve never had a
mental illness but I will try to explain: Imagine this, you are you and you
know who you are. Your life is then flipped upside down because of a mental
illness. In this new world, you’re not sure what is reality and what is not. You
do things out of character. You’re not sure if the person you knew you were is
still the person you are. It’s like you’re watching someone else live your life
and you can’t do anything to change it. Scary!
The potential of living through that again is absolutely
terrifying and I wouldn’t do it unless it was absolutely necessary.
February 1st - February 8th
Another week where I’ve had to battle nausea and exhaustion
on top of trying to fight the common cold. I’m more irritable than usual and
wonder if this is a Bipolar symptom or just an effect from being sick and
overworked. I really think it’s the latter. I don’t get very much downtime
nowadays and I only have time to watch TV for about 2-3 hours a week; if I’m
lucky. About an hour a week spending time watching Will’s shows and an hour or
two watching with my husband on our “date nights”. I don't have the time or mental capacity to enjoy reading because I'm so exhausted by the end of the day. Reading for fun is what I miss the most. My house is a wreck (in my
eyes) and even though I try to stay on top of it, almost all my hours on the
weekends are now devoted to work or spending time with Will. I haven’t been
sleeping well at night. Instead of having a hard time waking up in the morning,
I have a hard time staying asleep. 2am has become my new wakeup time. Changes
at work are stressing me out but I’m holding my own. It helps when you have a
great support system like I do. Once I am over this cold and adjusted to the
idea of change at work, I think I’ll be ok. Overall, I think things are going
well despite trying to handle all the new changes and challenges with my
physical health and workload.
To Be Continued…
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